Won’t Give Up

This is a song of a man who was abused his entire childhood and in spite of it all, he grew strong and committed to doing right.  He declares to destroy the gates of hell before him.  He declares that he is a man who refuses to give up on life and himself.  Just because he’s fallin’, he refuses to stay down.  He’s a fighter.  He’s a survivor.   

I’m the man in this song.  I was abandoned at 6 months old.  I was given away to strangers in the same manner you would give a chair you no longer wanted to someone you didn’t know.  These people were poor farmers who became my parents.  I grew up in the countryside with no neighbors close by.   As I grew older my new mother was abusive physically and emotionally.  She would beat me with broom handles, spoons, sticks or whatever she could get her hand on.  At about 5 or 6 I became a victim of sexual abuse from a relative for my entire childhood till I was around 14.  Its sad that I gave in to the abuse because I I realized it was the price I had to pay in order to be able to get out of the house away from my abusive mother. 

I became homeless at 16 because one evening I stayed and watched a basketball game at my high school.  I got a ride with a girl I knew and her mom.  Unfortunately, my ride home wasn’t going to happen the way I thought.  They only dropped me off at the edge of town, which was still over 7 miles from my home.  I had to walk in the dark the entire way.  I tried to hitch hike but the number of cars that drove by me that night I could have counted on one hand.

When I finally got home at 11:30 I was met by my foster father who was pissed I got home so late.  So instead of hearing how he was sorry I had to walk home so late, he began to beat the living crap out of me.  He weighed over 250 lbs and was 6’2″ tall.  I was only about 150 lbs.  He continued to backhand me over and over.  He broke my glasses and left me devastated.   I knew then I had to leave and never return or take the chance of getting beaten to death one day.  I left the next day and never went back. 

I lived outdoors for two weeks with no money, no car and no shelter.  I was a junior in high school at the time.  But I was determined to continue school and graduated high school and went on to college but the scars of abuse never go away.  Some days they surface and catch me by surprise but I refuse to lie down, I refuse to give up.   As a kid, even in high school, I didn’t know of any agencies or programs I could go to for help.  I had been conditioned to fend for myself.  We didn’t have the internet or cell phones then.  But today, there is help.   

If you or someone you know is being abused, there is help so don’t give up and don’t be silent.  Abusers never stop and will continue to harm others if they aren’t stopped.  I hope this song will give others hope and the courage to never give up.  You’re not alone.

• https://enoughabuse.org/get-help/national-organizations
• https://www.acf.hhs.gov/cb/focus-areas/child-abuse-neglect
• https://www.olivecrest.org
• https://www.domesticshelters.org
• https://www.centerforpreventionofabuse.org